It's been a bit manic since then - not only have we had a new kitten in the house, but we've had 4 extra people staying her for the last 4 days, and on monday night 4 more come for graduation. It's a good job that my family live close enough to do a day trip otherwise we'd have to find beds for 8 people.

It's fun though, and I am graduating on Wednesday, and then working for a year with a teaching agency and then doing a PGCE in Religious Education in York starting in 2009.

It's all rather good really.

1. Sitting in the sun with friends and food.
2. Dark pubs with real fires and folk music
3. Lines in songs that make me smile, or think, or make the whole room sing and laugh.
4. Being nice to people unexpectantly.
5. My mum cleaning the fridge in our new house.
6. Walking on a warm evening.
7. Playing with friends children.
8. Planning fun stuff in our new house.
9. Cooking elaborate meals.
10. Playing in the park in the middle of the night.

I've applied for a PGCE in York, to teach religious studies at secondary level. I'm moving into a new house, have painted my room and am in the process of getting enough bookcases to hold all my books. We've got a garden full of vegetables, and some strawberries and a couple of raspberry plants, along with tomatoes, courgette, beans, peas and various other things. Oh, and peppers on the kitchen windowsill.

I'm still living with the same people, but we've moved out of the student area to near a large park, about 30 mins walk from the city center. It should be good.

And my dissertation is in. I feel very bouncy and happy.

Yays!

I've applied for the job I'm going for (should hear whether I'm shortlisted in the next week).

I've even made a short list of photos for photography - found 15 out of over 300, and only need to cut three of them.

So why aren't I happy and bouncy and full of yays?

At the moment I'm terrified, and incredibly nervous. I don't have any reason to be, my next deadline is the 29th, and as long as I have 12 images I'm sorted. I need to decide an order, and do a bit more cutting and sticking and work in photoshop, but I'm not panicing about getting the work done. My exam is on the 19th May, so plenty of time to learn/revise, so I'm not panicing about that either. I'm panicing about something much much bigger, my life, my degree rests on stuff that I'm about to hand in/emailed in on Sunday.

I have a plan b if the job falls through, wonderful friends who I'll have to leave behind and move to a new city that I lived in as a child.

It's so uncertain, and new, and scary.

And I want to hide in bed and watch reruns of buffy.

So, I'm currently a bit proud of myself. I could hand it in as is, but want to do more work on the introduction, although i don't really know what else to write. It's only 400 words long at the moment, and very brief, but I'm not sure what else to add to it. My next challenge is photography - I'm way behind on my visual journal, and other things. I need to do a major cutting and sticking session tomorrow, and then lock myself in the digital arts center for as long as possible, and aim to get the 8 photos I'm planning on using into a hand in able situation. Then I need to take about 3 memory cards full to get the remaining 4 images.

I've decided that I hate finals. With a passionate vengence.

I'm not even thinking about my exam, I don't know the date therefore it's not happening. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

I graduate on the 15th July - but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up....

Well, part of that feeling has involved not mentioning my political views, because I don't want to paint a target on myself. Well, now there is a whole thread of target painting.

Yay me.

So, after a meeting with the undergraduate director for peace studies, I emailed her. On Monday. She hasn't replied. Today's job includes going into the department, finding someone, and holding them hostage until they help me*.

I've done the mini introductions and conclusions, and most of the spelling, and sorted out where the numbers for the foot notes should go in relation to the punctuation...and just about done the conclusion. But I'm still struggling on the introduction. Oh, and some guidence as to whether the thing is even vauglly good.

Meanwhile, I've been procrastinating. I went to the worlds most amazing camera shop, and they sorted me out with a macro photography set up for cheap by fitting a cannon to some obsucre lens adaptor ring, so my camera now takes m 42 lenses. Or any other lenses for that matter, as it's just a case of getting the right ring. I also have a reverser ring, so I can take photos through a 50mm lens put backwards on the camera. And a rather nice 165mm/f2 portrait lens, which is beautiful. The best thing about the shop was that they weren't trying to up sell me - they tempted me with things and then said "no, play with what you've got, then come back." Which I think is a bit unfair, as I now want what I can't have. Anyway, if you're interested in finding out the name/where this places is...email me.

*Discalimer: This isn't really my plan, if the news breaks that this has happened, it's not me, it's not my fault. I didn't do it.

My current dissertation 'to-do' list is

*write the introduction
*finish the conclusion
*write short introductions and conclusions to each chapter
*check spelling
*mend references
*add page numbers
*mend bibliography

The deadline is the 17th April, and I'm hoping to get the first three bits done before the 10th, leaving me with a week to tidy up the damn thing.

My today job is the short introductions and conclusions to each chapter. Each word I write makes me die a little inside, it seems pathetic and childish to write "This is what I'm going to do, this is why I'm going to do it" at the start of every chapter. I really that if a chapter is titled "The Palestine Israel Conflict, and starts with the first Aliya in the 1880s, then it's not a massive leap in reasoning to realise that the chapter is a basic history of the Palestine Israel Conflict. Similally, the chapter titled "Theories about Reconciliation" is a chapter examining theories about reconciliation.

My other problem is what do you put in an introduction? And a conclusion for that matter...'tis all very confusing...At the moment my conclusion is 356 words long, and I've pretty much ran out of things to say. I've just got about five paragraphs, one sumerising each chapter, and one summery of the whole thing. I'm sure that's wrong somehow.

The whole bloody thing makes me want to scream.

In other news, I'm going to see the Terracotta Army on Friday with my family.