Thanks to Richard being helpful and passing on my details, I just had a nice chat with the superintendant of my new circuit here. It still feels odd to think of this place as home, and one thing that I've definately felt the lack of is a church that feels like *mine*. As a methodist, but also as preacher (ooh scary), belonging to a church and to a circuit is hugely important. I always knew it was going to be tough to build that up after leaving Swansea, which was not only was home for so long, but also was where I developed my sense of calling, learnt to hear it and respond to it. It was there, surrounded by support and encouragement from so many, that I started on this rather scary path I find myself on now. And incidentally, I had a letter through from methodist HQ the other day, congratulating me on passing from 'on note' to 'on trial'. Which was rather good :D

So anyway, I digress.. I had a nice chat with the super, and it might be a very small baby step, and there's still a lot to sort out and get used to, but its a really big step for me towards feeling like I belong to something here. Which in itself will help towards feeling like I actually live here, rather than just working and sleeping. And that can only be a good thing.

In looking for something to occupy ourselves, Chris stumbled upon the website for this local Roman Vineyard, which happens to be just down the road. After being told their tour was fully booked for Saturday, we got a cancellation last minute on Friday :) and made our way out there yesterday morning. Wroxeter was a Roman settlement, and is apparently an area particularly good for wine-growing because of its unique geographical setting. We learnt lots about English wine, and got an insight into the the vine growing (including wandering round the vines themselves, at which Chris despaired of my botanical geekiness again..), processing the grapes, production and refining. This was followed by an entertaining (and impressively informative!) wine tasting session, and a lunch where we got to finish off some of the wine we'd been tasting! All in all, not a bad way to spend the day :D

This morning, my search to find a church to settle into here continued, with the most local (two minutes round the corner) which we'd been to last weekend, but found ourselves in the middle of a double christening party, so decided to re-visit. The congregation was, if sparse, at least made up of well meaning and friendly people. The amusing aspect to the visit was being asked on at least 2 occasions if we were there to hear our bans read (young couple in church- why else would we be there?!). The most disconcerting of these was the preacher, during the peace, telling me we'd got him worried that he'd forgotten to announce them. Impressive we managed to create that much of a stir just by turning up. Well, it gave us a giggle on the way home at least!

And now its just me here again, weekends go by too quickly :( One of those days there won't be long drives in between us, and having to say goodbye every Sunday. Meanwhile, I'm under instructions to look to the positives. And there's plenty to choose from in the last 24 months :D

So, we're flying on Thursday, to Toronto, and then getting on a little (but rather impressive sounding) train that takes us all the way into Jasper, Alberta, where we then spend some time looking round, and going on trips up to pretty lakes and walking on glaciers and so on. Then we go on a bit further west and into a couple of other national parks before ending up in Vancouver for a couple of days. So when people have said where in Canada are you going, there's not really a short answer!

I'm actually looking forward to it now. Which hadn't happened up untill an hour or so when I started packing.. before then it didn't quite seem real, all it was was a time when I wasn't working. I've been too busy and shattered to think about it more than that. But now its starting to be real. I've got my stuff (more or less) packed. And found my passport. And when I finish work tomorrow I get to drive home. It will be lovely to see my parents and get to spend some actual time with them when we're not all really busy, which we don't get a lot of these days.

The only downside is due to my new job starting part way through the holiday year, I only have enough days for this holiday, and not really anything else. I've managed to swing a day off for Chris' graduation :) but we had to cancel our trip to Scotland which was a shame. But I don't think there's any danger of us not managing to get up there sometime. The more places I see, the longer the list of places I want to see seems to get. Maybe its easier to say where I don't want to go. That wouldn't take long!

Well, I might manage to pop in sometime while I'm away, but if not, I'll see you in June!

I've meant to blog, but somehow not quite known what to say. And when I have, and have wanted to write, I haven't had the time to stop by a computer long enough. Life here is busy. Very busy. This time of year is 'newt season', which is when we have to complete any surveys for Great Crested Newts (heavily protected species in the UK) which we've recommended be carried out. Don't ask, its complicated, but they have to be done pretty much now. So I've been thrown into heaps of evening working, not getting back till late, and still more or less having to work in the day as well. So you can see why there's not really been a lot of blogging time.

As well as things being busy, its very hard being here and feeling quite this alone. Its one thing getting used to living on my own, which in itself I quite like. Its another thing to be somewhere where there is absolutely no one I know, and the only people I see are those I work with, cos I haven't got the free evenings right now to go out and do anything else. So for now, its just me. And sometimes I'm ok and sometimes not.

Feeling very isolated isn't helped by having to cope with Chris being (what feels like) very far away too. Long distance isn't a fun thing. And there isn't anything we can do about it for the time being. There are lots of things we just don't know about at the moment, and I have to learn to be patient. I'm trying to be better at dealing with uncertainty, but thats never really been one of my strengths!

I didn't want to start blogging from here with quite so much doom and gloom. I'm doing ok, its just hard sometimes. I spose thats all I wanted to say. I'll be back, hopefully feeling a bit more upbeat.

I've spent almost a month knowing this day would come. Knowing when I went looking round flats, when I signed my contract and sent it back, when I was excitedly telling everyone about my news. Knowing that the day would come when I would have to pack everything into a car and drive away from my home.

I've spent a week saying my goodbyes. Which I knew would be hard, but hadn't anticipated quite how hard. Saying goodbye to people who have been my friends, my family, my support and my strength, for nearly 7 years. People who've shared all my ups and downs, achievements and sadnesses, who pick me up when I'm down, and laugh with me when things are tough. Wanting to see everyone again, just one last time, so that I don't have to say goodbye just yet.

And now all that's left here is a few bags and boxes. There's no going back now, no changing my mind. No chance to stay. And yet, part of me hasn't really taken it in yet. This place has a hold on me. People I've spoken to have said 'I know its hard to leave, cos I haven't managed it'. Oh how I wish I didn't have to.

Whatever happens, I'm still going to keep going. I'm going to drive away from here tomorrow, knowing that I'm taking my memories with me. And that I'll be back. Its not goodbye really, its 'see you soon'.

But for now, I'm off. I know I've not been particularly regular at posting recently, but I'm likely to be offline for a couple of weeks, while I get my phone line and internet sorted in the new flat. I might pop by if I manage to swipe someone else's in the meantime. Till then, take care. Thoughts and prayers in this direction appreciated.

I'll be seeing you xx

Such amazing words, such wonderful things he said. You had to listen, you couldn't help yourself, he had a way with people. And when he said he was from God, and had come to save his people, you believed him. Why wouldn't you? The miracles he performed, the conviction with which he spoke in the temple. He had to be something special. Well perhaps you were wrong, along with the rest.

Walking home all these things run through your mind, again, for the hundredth time. And then this stranger appears as if from nowhere, seems to be the only person for miles who doesn't know about these events. How could you not have heard?

There's something comforting about his words though. He seems to know what he's talking about, as he responds to your worries with words from the prophets. You're still not sure, but something about the way he speaks soothes your mind a little. And when he tries to walk on from your home, you beg him to stay and eat.

You sit down at your table, and this man, this stranger who you barely know, takes up the bread. Ordinarily you'd feel a bit put out, after all, it's the role of the man of the house, not the invited guest, to give thanks for the food. But before you can think, before you speak, you see the way he holds it, and you begin to see something that wasn't there before. When he lifts it up and gives thanks to God, you know. He breaks it and gives it to you, and before you can respond, before you can take it, he's gone.

This, however, was because we'd got the drama out of the way the day before.. Or more accurately I had. One of the advantages of Chris' year abroad last year is he bought furniture, which at the moment isn't being used. So the removals started Wednesday evening in Bristol as we loaded a double bed and a table and chairs (all in bits) into the van. Lastly came the mattress. Down two flights of stairs, round corners, almost there. Chris and his dad got the mattress to the last bend in the stairs with no problems. I'm standing at the bottom watching (there's only so many people you can fit on the stairs with a double mattress..). They manouver it round the last corner, and a picture frame goes with it, and comes tumbling down the stairs towards me. Slow motion like in films. Instinctive reaction is to catch it before it breaks. However, this is not so sensible when the frame disintegrates and you end up catching a fast moving pane of glass. With the edge of your finger.

Pause.

Its ok, I've got it. Relief.

Then lots of blood. Shock. Not so much pain. Interesting. Then more shock. Chris is trapped behind the mattress, his dad comes down the stairs leaving him holding it, and sticks my hand over the sink in the kitchen, trying to calm me down. Meanwhile Chris is upstairs yelling at brother to come and hold this NOW!! No not in a minute, now!!! On the advice of the neighbour who's a GP, we leave for A\&E to get it stitched, leaving a note for mum and other brother 'Sarah's cut her hand badly, gone to A\&E' (see blood on carpet!!!)

After a couple of hours sitting there holding my hand tightly and upright to stop the bleeding, a very nice young doctor puts a couple of stitches in it (with interesting reactions from me since I've never experienced a local anasthetic before..) and we go home. Good way to prepare for moving house.

But I got out of the lifting and carrying. Apparently its a rather extreme measure to go to. I don't think I'll be doing it again.

For the last couple of years I've contributed by preparing one of the prayer times which we hold at intervals during the night. Richard has been kind enough to blog the liturgy I wrote for the midnight slot this year. The idea is based around walking into the darkness of the night, knowing what it will bring, looking beyond it to the light, but also accepting that the darkness has a part to play.

Jesus knew what was waiting for him when he went into the city that day, he knew it would bring pain and suffering to himself and others. But yet he went, accepting the struggles he would face, and knowing that when they came to an end, they would bring new life for all.

However, I now have actual positive news, in that I got a job! The first interview, which was for a proper real job, the kind that I want, I got it. A job, a real permanent one. Its ecology, using the skills I have, and its paid. I spent a good 20 mins fairly speechless (which I think Chris found fairly amusing) when I got a letter in the post Saturday morning, having had no phone call or anything else. I think its still only just sinking in. But its real.

Its just not *quite* near home. In fact I have to move all the way to England. Which is Scary. With a capital S. I have a home here, its not just where I came to uni, its home. My friends are here, which is easy to say but so much harder to describe, and to replace. This is where my church family is, who have supported me in the various stages of my 'calling' to preach. The people and the friendships I have here will be impossible to replace, even in time. I really believe this is a special place, and I know this even more as I prepare to leave. There's something about this ugly lovely city, and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

But now I have to force myself to take those steps towards leaving. I've been ringing estate agents, trying to find suitable flats I can afford, trying to to this from a distance, knowing I've got one day to see as many places as I can there. Then I have to think about buying cars, learning my way around a new place, getting used to a new job, and hoping I can do it. And so on and so on. And doing all this on my own. I wish it was both of us, but thats not possible just yet. Even though there are many people helping out, and offering to do so, I still have to do all this myself. And I will, I just need to remember that, and remember that I can. Maybe this is an exercise in positivity in itself, even though it seems like the best thing to have happened in a long time.

Overall, this is a good thing. Its what I've been waiting for, its a step in the right direction, its good timing in terms of all the rubbish stuff at work. Its just going to take some time to work out the details, and when that starts to happen I'll feel better. Till then, and probably after aswell, prayers appreciated.

For all those facing change and uncertainty, for those separated from the ones they love, for those feeling lonely and disconnected from their surroundings. God who during this holy week knew loneliness and isolation, place your hand upon them.

The rest of Saturday afternoon once I got home was spent preparing for Sunday morning, which was my next service I had been booked in for, though not entirely legitimately if you stick to all the rules about these things. I had some helpers, and lots of people being supportive and so on, but this was still the most I'd done on my own before, and without the support of someone who knows what they're doing all the way.. :S All in all I think it went ok. I had positive feedback, and the only things to work on I know are down to nerves and stuff, which only time will improve. In general, absolutely terrifying, but also a feeling of quiet satisfaction that I managed to get through it in one piece.

Ooh, and we booked a holiday :D:D:D Not sure its entirely sensible to be spending while hoping we'll have more income by then, or even enough holidays. But this is necessary time together, and visiting my parents who are in bonnie Scotland at the moment, Glasgow to be precise. So there, its done. And we're going on holiday :D

Today, I'm not sure. Erm, I managed to not kill my employer when he rang me at 9 this morning asking if I knew I was meant to be in work. Err, no I didn't, you'd have to tell me for me to know.. Sigh. Back to it tomorrow.