As a distraction from the fact that I am currently looking for work I decided to read Brothers Kharamazov instead of my usual fare of chick lit and newspapers. Various people have recommended Dostoevsky to me and I finally got round to reading him. First of all, I have to say that I found the book hard work, probably due to the nature of my normal literary diet. However, it discusses some interesting theological points through the lives of fictional characters, which does make it more real and I thought I would share my thoughts with you all.
A whole chapter is dedicate to an aetheists ideas on whether Jesus would be welcomed by the church if he came back today or if we would think he was 'intefering'. The basic premise is that as Jesus doesn't guarentee a life free of hunger and pain down here on earth the church has had to not only terrify everyone into submitting to a constructed version of morality but replace faith with miracles, mystery and authority. This was completed 128 years ago and we still seem to be debating similar issues.
I suppose my answer to the chapter is that the decision to have faith and the journey to maintain it in the face of difficulties are what stops us being robots and encourages us to strive towards a 'fairer' society. The whole tone of the chapter undermines human nature, suggesting humans are no more than a slave or rebel when I think each person is there making their choices in good 'faith'.
Dostoevsky spends the rest of the book answering the questions in that chapter. All three of the Brothers Kharamazov have a religious experience. The main hero, Alyosha Kharamazov, realises that what is important is to do the equivalent of the action of an elderly lady in a russian folk story, give a beggar an onion. You may make many mistakes, but if you once give a beggar an onion you have gone far. This leads to Alyosha being over awed by the beauty of God's stars and the sleeping town before him and literally hugging the earth. I find that God's sea/creation often moves me, and found the passage very moving. It certainly makes the point that miracles and mystery should be within faith, not separate from it.
On a different note, a friend told me that God tells his people not to be afraid 365 times in the bible, hummm, I'm working on that one!
On the other hand the weather is amasing and I am getting some work experience with www.socialinvestments.com which is an uber cooooool venture (if I say so myself) trying to raise the profile of social businesses and get more investment for them.
I set myself a challenge to use this site less over lent. Now lent has finished I've already spent hourse reading what people have been saying, oophs! I am struggling to pass my course and it feels like a lot of pressure. The most frustrating thing is that I am getting a lot better at teaching, it is just whether I'll improve fast enough to pass. Moreover, I have a whole heap of paperwork to do to prove that I'm good enough to pass!
On a brighter note Legally Blonde's wedding and my father 60th birthday were great fun. B climbing into groom's arms during the vows made a great photo and the little buckets and bit of leather we were given will always be treasured. My dad decided his friends and family should go to Scotland for his birthday/easter and we all had an brill time playing in the snow. I definitely recommend it. Hope you're all well
Barka Obama seems to be all for it at the moment. Yep you've guessed it I'm talking about change. I knew I would be looking for a new job in 2008 but it has become apparent that there are going to be a whole heap of changes going on before Christmas next comes around. They should all make my life better in some cases directly and in other cases I'll know that people important to me are happier. However, instead of feeling excited I am feeling overwhelmed and unsettled, I hope the feeling passes. I hope that by 2009 I can agree with Barak Obama that change equals progress
I'm about to start a new term on my teaching course. I had a relaxing week at Christmas and then worked hard and still don't feel completely prepared and can think of paperwork I should have got done. arrrrgh. Also, I have just discovered that my landlord has put the house on the market. As no-one knows exactly when it'll sell my housemates and I have agreed to move together on March 15th, which I could really do without. I am also worried about whether I'll find a job for September..... prayers would be appreciated!
The fourth plumber who came to our house was finally able to fix the boiler. We were without heating or hot water for two days less than a month but that doesn't seem so important now. Our landlord did finally do his bit by shouting at British Gas and taking a day off work to supervise various plumbers. I think he redeemed himself but a few housemates think we should pay less rent. I hope that it doesn't end up in a big argument between us and our landlord, we'll see what happens. However, it has made me think again about how difficult it must be to be homeless. It went below 0 at night twice last week in London. At this time of year when we remember that Jesus came as an outsider we must do all we can for those who are still outsiders.
My boiler broke two weeks ago, yes two weeks ago. However, my housemates and I have all pulled together to help each other. My landlord lent us a heater and my housemate's parents lent us another one. We've had to talk to each other a whole lot more which is always a good thing. All kinds of friends have let us have a shower at their house and my parents have had us all around for showers and so we could be in a warm house on Sunday - which meant loads of yummy food and great conversation. The two tv programmes I have enjoyed reccently have been all about communities pulling together. One was 'brothers and sisters' which has a family that fights and has secrets but somehow stays together through it all, largely through occassionaly sitting down and eating together. The other is Cranford which is about a village of mostly single women who again battle through adversity and support each other through it all. And it is good to realise that I have my own community that is strong
I am spending much of my time trying to work out what makes a good lesson. On Tuesday I observed a sociology lesson. I have never studied sociology before and was just seeing how the class went. It was largely about terms that you have to use in sociology and different types of research that sociologists use so might not have been interesting to me. However, the teacher used loads of examples from the life of her students. She pointed out that I was doing a type of research which was a nice way of including me. What was best is that she entertained us all by talking about her own life and saying what type of research her students would be doing into her life if they asked her questions. She saw that the class was tired near the end of the lesson because they had all found it difficult to get into college that morning due to transport problems and she gave less content but showed how sociology related to them. It was inspiring because her interest in the students showed a love for them and that helped the students develop. I really hope that I can do the same thing.
Hey there
I am now two weeks into my teacher training and it is fascinating. The class on teenagers self-esteem really made you think. I've already had to do some group work which was difficult but is over now. I think that I will make some friends as the year progesses but it is always hard to get on with people at the beginning.
On another note, congratulations to my cousin T and Sam on getting married. They had a stunner of a wedding. All the readings were really well chosen, showing that you will grow old and have difficult times but your love for each other will see each other through. Some of my cousins, my sister and I ended up clubbing in Bognor Regis after the wedding and everyone there was having such fun in the club that it made the perfect end to the night. I wasn't feeling so great the next day though .... ooops!
I don't suppose I'll ever know exactly how to balance pre-destination and free will but I feel at the moment that God is definitely saying that I have to put the hard work in now, knuckle down and do something, which I sure hope is my course. Scary!
Two of my housemates have left in the last month and they are both going to be sadly missed. I might only have lived with them for 8 months and I have been very busy during that time but the nature of sharing a house means we know each other well. I am always sad when the houseshare I am in changes. The two girls who have moved in are lovely too, so I'm sure it won't be long before I am happy again.
I have now been blogging for two years, can you believe it! They have flown by. A lot of that was due to the fact that I was working with some very nice people. However, I did get bored at the job, it would have been a few more years of boredom before I got prommotted and one should always move forewards. Therefore, I am doing a post-compulsory PGCE in September as I told many of you at Greenbelt. I have always loved History and hope that I might manage to enthuse a few of my students too. Essay writting skills and analysing words and pictures are always useful skills too so It probably means a few more years in London which is a shame but we will see what happens. As I won't be working shifts I should be able to see my friends more than I could previously which will be great.
carrie bradshaw 
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