good for the soul...
"a place to trip over the divine because you were only half looking where you were going". chalky on her experience of taking a bunch of people on a retreat.
the thought
was there. it was that we go away quite a bit, well i suppose not that much, but every now and then, as bits of church, to spend time together, drink wine and sometimes (although not often!) to pray or think or be somehow spiritual. mostly it's about time and together. and usually it's good for the soul. so the thought was, we benefit from this endearing little habit, so why not break that open and use our raw talent for getting a few people to one place at the same time for greater good, and just go away with a bunch of friends, being unconcerned about which particular spot they occupy on the spectrum of faiths.
the prayer
space. space. to bless people with something of freedom, to offer in a gift type way a little fragment of room to play in. headspace, time, good food, friends, beautiful ffald-y-brenin which i know and love, the place that smacks of my god and sweats peace. the right place at the right time. those who hang about at the margins of the faith, a way to draw near to god with no conditions, a place to trip over the divine because you were only half looking where you were going. security in freedom - no agenda but to bless friends with an unconditional be who you are context. comfort.
the organisation.
chalky trauma (difficult to achieve). too little too late from co-organisers (good people, enthusiasm outweighing organisational skills!). creating space is harder work than putting on meetings, creating space for people to reflect if they did not want to create whilst allowing enough room for them to create if they did not want to reflect (or create as they reflected! oh, you know) - well, the whole thing of making a springboard for people to have their own experiences and not dictating what those experiences should be... a delicate balance, at the same time trying not to do everything myself. In the end i did and i didn't - it was fine. eventually. but that was good, as the whole thing had more of an air of process, which was part of the point, so it happened as intended in unexpected ways. although next time i'd like to be better prepared.
the retreat.
2 nights, monday when you arrived to wednesday when you left. laid back timing, thank you ffaldy people.
headspace and silence and laughter and plenty of wine, very accomodating 'hosts' at ffald-y-brenin who understood in a proactive 'you are fab' sort of way - shared the risks. And were there if we needed them, and not if we didn't. so -
a room for reflection, which included lots of quotes and writings, a couple of created-there pictures using various paint and various paper... words and pictures. a massive painting not purpose-painted but profound and excellent... inspired a lot of thoughts and conversation so well done to Lois, who accidentally underrated it (bringing it there was an afterthought. and it is superb). A corner of the room cut off and made into 'shelter', sort of. more quotes and writings...
a room for prayer and that kind of thing, where we had a little half hour midnight thing (not that anyone knew what time it was. it was fearfully and wonderfully watchless) on the theme of light. simple... a perfect little round chapel, we kind of sat on the floor in front of the stone seating around the room. gave everyone an unlit tealight. said something about appreciating silence and not being afraid of it. switched the light off. in Darkness... 'think about light and what it does to the darkness' - a few minutes of silence. lighting one tealight, mostly so i could read, i held it and read a few bits about light from the bible, can't remember quite what, said something along lines of 'think about that in the context of what you were thinking about before' (or some such, more eloquently). silence. then words to the effect of 'we need to be people who encourage light in others, who are inspiring and positive', or something more likely (!) - then i lit the tealight of the person next to me, and everyone lit their tealights off each other, and everyone lit others round the room with theirs, and there were about 50, and the tiny already atmospheric room was blazing light in a very short space of time, don't really need to say any more. i played a martyn joseph song which i apologised for and shoudn't have (shouldn't have apologised... it was exactly the thing to play!). the whole thing was hilariously reverent and atmospheric, which is a culture shock for me. but i spose it was midnightish and we'd been drinking. then at the end, said 'if anyone wants to say anything about what they were thinking, or if you want to, use prayers' - and it was honest and open and spacious. said 'well, that's it, feel free to stay here or go, just let the candles burn out, pray alone if you want, come back in a few hours if you want', and left the room first to prove it was ok to go. People did all of the above. i am reliably informed the candles were still burning 4 hours later. They were from a pack of '100 extremely cheap ikea tealights', so i was gladdened - all this and a bargain too.
a room for painting and the like, where people painted and the like.
chalky's final thoughts
the bit people liked best was the bit i least wanted to do, the meetingy bit. front-led (sat in a circle but you know) and mostly me talking, it was the opposite of what i think should be fostered and yet it was the thing which elicited the deepest responses. i haven't worked out what i think about that, or its implications for next time. It was without doubt the favourite bit of the time away in most people's opinion; the word on the street is that next time more of that is required. i will have to search a few souls to work it all out.
i did get headspace myself as well.
i charged what i thought was reasonable and what people could pay (£30 inc transport from swansea, all food) rather than what it cost. also had to cater for 15+, 10 came in the end, so there was plenty of food! need to get someone else to underwrite it next time, really. should be fairly easy.
the whole not knowing exactly who was going to turn up was actually not stressful, due to it being part of the point. what went on there reflected the people who were there. which was one of the points.
not everyone has paid yet. oh well.
had a few thoughts for the next one, which was being asked for before this one was over.
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